Coffee
by HELDRACONIS
Summary: Joker's feeling playful. Batman/Joker slash. If you are offended by this sort of thing then please do not read.


This story is based on the The Batman cartoon. It is a slash, just some kissing, so if you are offended by this sort of thing then please do not read it. I don't own Batman or Joker. Anyway read on and I hope you enjoy.

---

A loud scream echoing down the halls caused John to nearly jump out of his skin. He exhaled. He hated this place and he hadn't even been working here for very long, but a job was a job after all. Entering the kitchen and looking around John spied a jar of coffee. It was the only thing that seemed to be available other than water but he needed a hot drink to ward of the chill of the asylum as well as the shock.

Five minutes later John walked back down the shadowed, gloomy corridors of Arkham Asylum. Somehow he had managed to pull night-shift and now he had to go and check on the inmates.

A loud burst of insane, hysterical laughter rang out from behind one of the doors. John cringed, he really hated this job.

John checked that the inmates behind each of the doors were ok, and moved onto the door where the laughter had come from earlier. He peered into the padded cell and…he saw nothing. WHAT! Where was the inmate? He pressed his face up against the bars of the small window in the door, his eyes frantically searching the corners of the cell. The inmate had to be in there, he had heard laughter hadn't he, wher…BOO! John stumbled away from the door. Green, white and red had just flashed into view right in front of his face and now the clown was just laughing hysterically, clutching at the bars in the door.

As John managed to calm his breathing and his heart rate the clown stopped laughing and just grinned at him.

"Ahh sorry did I scare you?" he said with insincerity. John didn't respond. Joker frowned slightly. "No sense of humour eh? You people should really lighten up, laugh more. You'll live longer." Still no response. "What's that?" Joker asked, indicating the cup that John was holding.

"Coffee" John replied shortly. He didn't want to get into a conversation with a mad clown if he could help it.

"Can I have some?"

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"If you give me some I won't bother you for the rest of the night."

John considered this for a moment. The other orderlies had warned him that the clown could be troublesome and disruptive, upsetting the other inmates and generally being a complete pain in the ass. The request was simple enough, the clown just wanted some of the coffee and in return he would stay quiet for the rest of the night, then that was a good thing. Wasn't it?

A few minutes later a very distraught John was holding an empty cup of coffee and was watching as the Joker was literally bouncing off the walls of his cell.

Shit. He was screwed. He shouldn't have given the Joker the coffee.

He took off down the corridor. Maybe he could get some help or a tranquiliser gun…definitely a tranq gun.

Halfway down the corridor he froze in midstride as he heard the unmistakeable sound of a heavy steel door slamming open and the insane laughter echoed down the halls again.

He was definitely screwed.

--

High above the streets of Gotham a dark figure kept a solitary vigil.

Batman sighed. He had finished patrolling the city and was just contemplating whether he should finish early and go home when the Batwave started to ring.

He held back a groan when he saw what the problem was. Joker had escaped from Arkham. He should have expected that because the clown hadn't escaped for a while now.

Batman started to move. He needed to find the Joker before he did too much damage.

Batman started to search the city, trying to find a sign, any sign of the Joker. He had a strange feeling that something was wrong, the sense that he was being watched. As he moved from rooftop to rooftop he thought he could hear a second pair of footsteps. He stopped and turned around. Nothing. Batman couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong but he continued on his search for the clown.

Joker had stayed near to Arkham because he knew that Bats would start searching for him there. Having been in the madhouse for a while he was bored. He wanted to play but he had to find his playmate first.

He caught a glimpse of a dark form on a nearby rooftop and had to clap a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud in glee. The Bat had arrived.

When the vigilante moved off in his search for the clown the Joker followed. He kept the Batman in view, keeping to the shadows and using any cover he could find. The Dark Knight stopped and turned around. Joker froze in the shadows of a nearby stairwell. With a backwards glance Batman continued on his search and Joker continued to trail him. He was trying very hard to not laugh but eventually some laughter broke out from behind his hand.

He thought that he could still hear footsteps from time to time but maybe it was an echo or even the sounds from the streets below. He stopped when he heard a new sound. It sounded like muffled laughter. Spinning around, his hand closed over a batarang, his body tense and ready to fight. His eyes searched every shadow. He was being followed, he was sure of it and now he had a good idea of who it was. However it was a strange thing for this particular villain to do but he was insane after all.

"Joker?" he called out. "I know you're there."

A giggle sounded and the Joker appeared out of the shadows. He was still wearing the straitjacket, but the arms were ripped to allow him the use of his hands and he looked even twitchier than usual. He was grinning maniacally at Batman which wasn't new.

"Hiii-ya Batsy" Joker was bouncing on the balls of his feet, "Catch me if you can" and with that the clown sprinted off. Batman paused a moment, puzzled, sighed in irritation and took off after the Joker.

Joker was fast and agile. He was bouncing and leaping off any surface that got in the way and when he reached gaps between the buildings he just jumped across them and kept going. At one point he slid down a drain pipe, taking the chase to street level. He zigzagged down the road causing cars to swerve, some of them crashing.

Joker caught hold of a lamp-post and used his momentum to swing himself around it, noting that the Bat was not that far away. He dropped off the lamp-post and ran for the nearest alleyway. Catching the bottom rung of a ladder and swinging himself up onto the fire escape he scampered up to the roof and paused for a moment to make sure that the Bat was still following.

Batman climbed over the edge of the building onto the roof and saw the Joker perched on top of a stairwell, almost as if he was waiting for him. Then he was off again. Batman chased after him. He was almost catching up to the clown, just a little closer and he would be able to grab hold of him and bring him down. He lunged forward and his hand closed over…nothing. The Joker had changed direction at the last minute, slipping out of Batman's reach.

Batman's momentum carried him further in the direction that he had been running before he could correct it and when he turned to continue the chase the clown had disappeared from his sight. A laugh and "Miss me Batsy?" sounded behind him. The vigilante spun around and caught sight of the Joker on the other side of the roof. 'How the hell…never mind.'

The harlequin grinned at him and waited for the Dark Knight to start to move towards him before he started running again.

Batman didn't know how long he chased the clown. He could usually keep up with the Joker but he was beginning to tire whereas the clown didn't seem to be tiring at all. The doctors must have given him some new drugs because the harlequin was acting weird…well weirder than usual. He seemed to slow down just enough for the Bat to get close and then he would race off again. If the vigilante lost sight of him he would find the clown not far away, waiting for him before running off.

Batman leaped across the gap, stumbling slightly when he landed and trying to catch his breath. He looked up and discovered that he had lost the clown again. Suddenly something struck him from behind. He twisted around as he fell and found himself on his back with the Joker on top of him. The clown looked wilder than usual, grinning maniacally down at him.

Batman was trying to catch his breath and think of a way to get the Clown Prince of Crime off of him when the Joker leaned down and caught his mouth in a breathless kiss. The Dark Knight was stunned, the clown had never done anything like this before, usually he was trying to kill him. Those blood red lips were soft and warm and insistent. He could feel the other man's tongue brushing against his lips and in a brief moment of insanity he parted them slightly.

Joker felt the other's mouth open and curious he hesitantly slid his tongue between the lips, tasting and touching. Joker slowly slid one of his hands to the side of the Bats' face, his long fingers caressing the jaw. Shifting his weight slightly he deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue further into the vigilante's mouth, exploring every part of that moist, warm cavern.

His heart was pounding inside of his chest though whether it was from the chase or this kiss he couldn't tell. The mouth covering his was soft and warm, the other's tongue was exploring his mouth. The Joker's eyes were lidded, he looked almost calm, his hand caressing the Bats' face.

Slowly, so as not to startle the other, Batman lifted his hand to the clown's face, allowing his fingertips to trail gently across the snowy skin and feeling him move further into the contact. Joker's body was pressed so tightly to his that he could feel the clown's rapid heartbeat and trembling muscle's. The sensation of Joker against him was actually quite nice, especially when the clown shifted and put more pressure in just the right places, though he was confused as to why this was happening. Curious, Batman returned the kiss. Tongues danced against each other and he swore he heard a low moan from the clown. Joker pressed himself as close as possible and his other hand moved to the other side of the vigilante's face.

He could taste coffee. Was that why the clown was acting weird? Not that he was complaining, he was actually enjoying this, his body was responding to the other's touches though he had to keep reminding himself of who it was on top of him. Joker seemed to be more interested in just kissing him at the moment rather than trying to kill him or anyone else.

The people at Arkham should know better than to give the clown coffee. Really, he was hyper-active enough without caffeine in his system though it was having some interesting effects. Maybe next time they could give him extra strong coffee…No that would probably be a bad idea. He had enough trouble catching the clown as it was.

Eventually Joker broke the kiss, sitting back up and staring down at a breathless and confused Bat, a contented look on his face. One of Batman's hands was gently holding the side of the clown's face, the other was resting on his hip (when the hell had that got there?) Slowly trailing a finger across the Bats' lips the clown's mouth twitched upwards in a smile. Leaning back down towards the expectant lips, watching as they parted eagerly in readiness for more contact, he stopped himself millimetres from touching them.

"Tag, you're it Batsy!", springing to his feet to run off only to find himself face down on the floor, the Bat bringing his arms behind his back and cuffing them.

"You're going back to Arkham Joker."

"Awww! But I don't wanna go back. Can't we just play some more?"

All he got in response was a low growl and being pulled to his feet.

--

Batman was seriously considering knocking the clown out. He was still trying to figure out what had happened back there on the roof and he had a headache which was probably the result of the Joker. He felt divided, part of him knew that he had to take Joker back to Arkham but another part had wanted to continue with the events that had unfurled on the rooftop, curious and longing for what could have happened.

However the duty side had won. Somehow he had managed to get them off the roof which hadn't been easy because Joker had decided to be as unhelpful as possible and then when he finally managed to get the harlequin into the Batmobile and was on his way to Arkham Joker had repeatedly asked 'Are we there yet?' for the entire journey.

Trying to ignore the disappointment that his body was feeling Batman handed the Joker over to the orderlies at Arkham Asylum.

Twisting in the hands that held him Joker called back over his shoulder, "Bye, bye Batsy! Maybe we'll play some more next time" before bursting out in insane laughter. Batman turned to the person in charge.

"Who was supposed to keep watch on the Joker tonight?"

"That would be John" was the reply, a finger pointing at a young man who seemed to be trying to disappear into the floor.

John was looking everywhere but at the dark figure approaching him.

"Did you give him coffee?"

A small nod in reply. He sounded like he was pissed off.

"What were you thinking? Never do that again. He's hyper-active enough as it is without you giving that to him!"

John mumbled something through Batman's rant.

"Care to repeat that?"

John swallowed nervously "The coffee…it was Decaff!"


End file.
